Simple, funny but useful story

LESSON 1 
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says :
" Normally, one is granted three wishes, but as you are three, I will allow one wish each. "
So the eager senior manager shouted : " I want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pfufffff .... and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted :
" I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.. "
Pfufffff .... And he was also gone.
The boss calmly said : " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.30 pm.. " 
MORAL OF THE STORY :
ALWAYS LET THE BOSS SPEAK FIRST 

LESSON 2  
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
" Listen," said the CEO, " this is a very sensitive and important document,
and my secretary has left. Can you make t his thing work?"
" Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
" Excellent, excellent! " said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine.
" I just need one copy. " 
MORAL OF THE STORY:
NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING 

LESSON 3 
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When
the American turned to the Japanese and asked
" What kind of -ese are you ? "
The Japanese, confused, replied : " Sorry, but I don't understand what you mean. "
The American repeated : " What kind of -ese are you ? "
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled : " What kind of -ese are you
.. Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese !, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied : " Oh, I am a Japanese. "
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled : " What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?! "
The Japanese said, " Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee ? " 
MORAL OF THE STORY:
NEVER INSULT ANYONE 

LESSON 4 
There were these 4 guys --- a Russian, a German, an American and a French,
who together found this small genie bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared..
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said :
" Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.
When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become,
then your wish will come true. "
The French wanted to start.
He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted : " Wine ! "
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was very happy, swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn.
He did the same and shouted : " Vodka ! " and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted : " Beer ! "
He was likewise very contented with his beer-filled pool.
The last is the American.
He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.
He slipped towards the pool and shouted, " Shit !!!!!!!........." 
MORAL OF THE STORY:
ALWAYS THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING,
BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN ! 


LESSON 5 
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
Each organ took a turn to speak up.
Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions..
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food for the brain..
Legs.......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste..
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge. 
MORAL OF THE STORY:
NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE,
YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE THAT IS TRULY IN CHARGE 

爱情与家人‏

媳婦說：
「 煮淡一點妳就嫌沒有味，現在煮鹹一點妳卻說咽不下，
妳究竟想怎麼樣 ？」

母親一見兒子回來，二話不說便把飯菜往咀裡送。

她怒瞪他一眼。

他試了一口，馬上吐出來，

兒子說：「我不是說過了嗎，媽有病不能吃太鹹！」

「 那好！媽是你的，以後由你來煮！」

媳婦怒氣沖沖地回房。

　
兒子無奈地輕嘆一聲，然後對母親說：

「 媽，別吃了，我去煮個麵給妳。」

「 仔，你是不是有話想跟媽說，是就說好了，別憋在心裡！

「 媽，公司下個月升我職，我會很忙， 至於老婆，她說很想出來工作，所以 ....」

母親馬上意識到兒子的意思：

「 仔，不要送媽去老人院。」

聲音似乎在哀求。

兒子沉默片刻，他是在尋找更好的理由。
　

「 媽，其實老人院並沒有甚麼不好， 妳知道老婆一但工作，

一定沒有時間好好服侍妳。

老人院有吃有住有人服侍照顧，不是比在家裡好得多嗎？」

「可是，阿財叔他 ....」

　

洗了澡，草草吃了一碗速食麵，兒子便到書房去。

他茫然地佇立於窗前，有些猶豫不決。

母親年輕便守寡，含辛茹苦將他撫養成人，供他出國讀書。

但她從不用年輕時的犧牲當作要脅他孝順的籌碼，

反而是妻子以婚姻要脅他！

真的要讓母親住老人院嗎？

仔問自己，他有些不忍。

　

「 可以陪你下半世的人是你老婆，難道是你媽嗎？」

　
阿財叔的兒子總是這樣提醒他

「 你媽都這麼老了，好命的話可以活多幾年，

為何不趁這幾年好好孝順她呢？

樹欲靜而風不息，子欲養而親不在啊 ！」

親戚總是這樣勸他。

兒子不敢再想下去，深怕自己真的會改變初衷。

　

夕晚，太陽收斂起灼熱的金光，躲在山後憩息。

一間建在郊外山崗的一座貴族老人院。

　

是的，錢用得越多，兒子才心安理得。

當兒子領著母親步入大廳時，

嶄新的電視機，42吋的螢幕正播放著一部喜劇，

但觀眾一點笑聲也沒有。
幾個衣著一樣，髮型一樣的老嫗歪歪斜斜地坐在梳化上，

神情呆滯而有一個老人在自言自語，

有個正緩緩彎下腰，想去撿掉在地上的一塊餅乾吃。

　

兒子知道母親喜歡光亮，

所以為她選了一間陽光充足的房間。

從窗口望出去，樹蔭下，一片芳草如茵。

幾名護士推著坐在輪椅的老者在夕陽下散步，

四周悄然寂靜得令人心酸。

縱是夕陽無限好，畢竟已到了黃昏，他心中低低嘆息。
　

「 媽，我........我要走了！」

母親只能點頭。

他走時，母親頻頻揮手，

她張著沒有牙的嘴，

蒼白乾燥的咀唇在囁嚅著，一副欲語還休的樣子。

兒子這才注意到母親銀灰色的頭髮，

深陷的眼窩以及打著細紋臉。

母親，真的老了！

　

他霍然記起一則兒時舊事。

那年他才6歲，母親有事回鄉，不便攜他同行，

於是把他寄住在阿財叔家幾天。

母親臨走時，

他驚恐地抱著母親的腿傷心大聲號哭道：

「 媽媽不要丟下我！媽媽不要走！」

　

最後母親沒有丟下他。

他連忙離開房間，順手把門關上，不敢回頭，

深恐那記憶像鬼魅似地追纏而來。

　

他回到家，

妻子與岳母正瘋狂的把母親房裡的一切扔個不亦樂乎。

身高3呎的獎杯──

那是他小學作文比賽「我的母親」第1名的勝利品！

華英字典──

那是母親整個月省吃省用所買給他的第一份生日禮物！

還有母親臨睡前要擦的風濕油，

沒有為她擦，帶去老人院又有甚麼意義呢？

　


「 夠了，別再扔了！」兒子怒吼道。
﹝這麼多垃圾，不把它扔掉，怎麼放得下我的東西﹞。

岳母沒好氣地說。

　

「 就是嘛！你趕快把你媽那張爛床給抬出去，

我明天要為我媽添張新的！」

　

一堆童年的照片展現在兒子眼前，

那是母親帶他到動物園和遊樂園拍的照片。

　

「 它們是我媽的財產，一樣也不能丟！」

　

「 你這算甚態度？對我媽這麼大聲，我要你向我媽道歉！」
　

「 我娶妳就要愛妳的母親，

為甚麼妳嫁給我就不能愛我的母親？」

　

雨後的黑夜分外冷寂，街道蕭瑟，行人車輛格外稀少。

一輛寶馬在路上飛馳，頻頻闖紅燈，陷黃格，

呼一聲又飛馳而過。

那輛轎車一路奔往山崗上的那間老人院，

停車直奔上樓，推開母親臥房的門。

他幽靈似地站著，母親正撫摸著風濕痛的雙腿低泣。

她見到兒子手中正拿著那瓶風濕油，

顯然感到安慰的說：

「 媽忘了帶，幸好你拿來！」

他走到母親身邊，跪了下來。
　

「 很晚了，媽自己擦可以了，你明天還要上班，回去吧！」
　

他囁嚅片刻，終於忍不住啜泣道：

「媽，對不起，請原諒我！我們回家去吧 ！」

To realize

To realize
The value of a sister

Ask someone
Who doesn't have one..

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple..

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The
value of one
hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet..

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when

you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

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送你的十句话

第一句
如果我们之间有1000步的距离
你只要跨出第1步
我就会朝你的方向走其余的999步


第二句
通常愿意留下来跟你争吵的人
才是真正爱你的人


第三句
付出真心　才会得到真心
却也可能伤得彻底
保持距离　就能保护自己
却也注定永远寂寞


第四句
有时候　不是对方不在乎你
而是你把对方看得太重


第五句
朋友就是把你看透了　
还能喜欢你的人


第六句
就算是believe　中间也藏了一个lie


第七句
真正的好朋友
并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题
而是在一起　就算不说话
也不会感到尴尬


第八句
没有一百分的另一半
只有五十分的两个人


第九句
为你的难过而快乐的　是敌人
为你的快乐而快乐的　是朋友
为你的难过而难过的
就是那些　该放进心里的人


第十句
冷漠　有时候并不是无情
只是一种避免被伤害的工具